Profile

Hello! :) A little about me...

I am 46 years old as of 2015. I am thrilled to be in my 40s! I am proud of every scrap of wisdom and maturity I have gained in 46 years on this planet, and I am humbled by every silly, immature mistake I still make. I am looking forward to the rest of my journey.

I am abundant, plump, ample, full-bodied, zaftig, cushion-y, generously proportioned, plentiful, fluffy, plush, juicy, FAT! I love myself exactly as I am and expect those who matter in my life to do the same or they will probably cease to matter much. I don't care to have somebody concerned over my appearance or my health in relation to my weight - I'll do that when it needs doing, thanks.

I am an intensely sensual person - I want to experience everything with all of my senses. I want to engage all of your senses.

I identify as pansexual, in the "sexually/romantically/emotionally attracted to people of any/all assigned sexes and gender identities" way as well as the "open to all (or at least most - I've got a few hard limits LOL) kinds of sex and kink" way, but most of all in the "FUCK your gender binary" way!

I am a non-binary genderqueer - I don't identify with any of the feminine or masculine roles I was offered by my family of origin or my culture. Occasionally I feel girly, sometimes I feel boyish, more often I feel like neither (as I understand them). Dressing to enhance either a female or a male appearance feels like drag to me, costume and performance. I prefer the "they/them" pronoun set and "Mx." as a formal title.

I am kinky - a masochist, a fairly heavy S/M bottom, submissive to a few, formerly collared to my wonderful husband. (Our relationship is no longer a formal power exchange.)

I am polyamorous. I have never been monogamous, and really just don't understand the draw of monogamy at all.

I am crazy - diagnosed with multiple "disorders" including ultra-rapid cycling bipolar I with depression, suicidal tendencies and psychotic features; post-traumatic stress disorder; rape trauma syndrome; obsessive-compulsive disorder; panic disorder; and agoraphobia. It has also been suggested that I am not really neurotypical, although no formal diagnosis has been made. I believe radical changes must happen in the way we care for people whose brains work differently or who are neurodiverse if we hope to improve outcomes and stop othering them. I use an idea born in the creative womb of The Icarus Project - a "Mad Map." This is a document I've created and regularly update that gives the folks in my life who want to support me through mental health crises a roadmap through my personal madness.

I am a mom. I have two children who are currently 16 and 24 years old and live with/near their father 2,000 miles away from me, with whom I have had essentially no contact for the last seven years. (There have been a few "I hate you, stay out of my life!" type conversations... I choose to trust that someday they will come back and we will talk and rebuild a relationship.) I also have a 20-year-old stepson who lived with me from 13 to 18 years old.

I graduated from Oklahoma State University - Oklahoma City in May 2014 with an A.A.S. degree in Crime Victims' and Survivors' Support Services (PDF) - the only program like it in my state and one of only a few such programs in the country. My husband has just returned to college to study nursing after practicing as an EMT for several years.

I am a victim advocate. I defend, support, and uphold, publicly and privately, victims of crime. I am an informational resource for victims of crime regarding the criminal justice system and other governmental entities. I help victims understand their choices and the ramifications of their decisions. I empower victims and support their choices without criticism. I maintain the confidences received from victims and represent victims' interests with respect and compassion. My goal is to help other victims find a life that feels worth living to them.

I am an activist, working with local food, sustainable agriculture, alternative energy, sustainable housing, local music, mental health, and radical politics for the past decade or so.

I am a survivor - of verbal, physical, and emotional abuse in my family of origin; of molestation as a young child and of sexual abuse and rape as a teen; of domestic violence and rape as an adult.

I have chronic disabling health conditions, but am not "officially disabled." Please ask before dispensing health advice.

I am a healer. That doesn't mean I heal people! It means I heal myself, with the help of others sometimes, and I facilitate other folks healing themselves sometimes.

I am a writer, because when I'm not writing I feel like I'm not breathing.

I am constantly seeking to challenge myself and those around me to become more aware of privilege and how it affects interactions, large and small, in daily life.

I am a spiritual, atheist Tibetan Buddhist mostly studying and practicing within the Shambhala tradition.

I am a crafter - crochet, sewing, beading, micro-macrame...

I am an anarchist, working in my daily life and in the community around me for radical, revolutionary change.

I am well-known in my community for creating delicious food and feeding it to anybody I can find who's hungry. (They call me The Soup Fairy.)

I seek truly sustainable relationships with individuals, with my community, and with the rest of the planet.





Warning: This blog may occasionally contain sexually explicit content and material that some may find offensive or inappropriate for minors. You've been warned.

The quote on my blog title ("I'm not really average or looking for average") was borrowed from my gay boyfriend, eldaradan.